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i am a sports hero
roleplaying one of the worst comic ideas ever
inspired by matthew moore and jon morris
hesitantly written by zak arntson

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baseball h e r o   d r a f t
f i r s t
You must choose how your Hero joined the ranks of the Sports Heroes. Choose one of the following options or invent your own.

all-star athlete - Your Hero was so phenomenal that she decided to fight crime rather than win her fifth consecutive championship.

magical talisman - Some otherworldly force created a magical talisman to provide superhuman skills. The talisman should somehow reflect your Hero's sport, like a golden football or glowing hockey jersey.

cosmic coincidence - You are an alien stranded on Earth whose natural powers and native dress closely resemble an Earth sport.

s e c o n d
You must come up with a great name. Something like Skateman or The Goalie.

swimming p l a y   b a l l
c h a n c e   o f   f a i l u r e
Whenever your Hero tries to do something and her success is in question, you should roll some dice and pick the highest value rolled. The number of dice you roll is dependent on the following.

not sports related - That goes for any sport, even if your Hero can't play it. 1 die.

not your sport - All sports that aren't your Hero's. 2 dice.

your sport - Your Hero's specialty. 4 dice.

villain!! - Whenever a Villain is in the scene you only roll half the dice normally allowed. Round fractions down, zero dice means failure and an automatic roll on the mishaps chart. ½ dice.

y o u r   r o l l
The highest value rolled on your dice determines the outcome.

1 - you fail bad - Roll on the mishap chart.

2 or 3 - you fail, but not too bad - The Gamemaster determines how your Hero fails unless you use some snappy banter.

4 or 5 - you succeed, but only with a few speedlines - You determine how your Hero succeeds unless the Gamemaster uses evil parlance.

6 - you succeed real good - Roll on the it's my birthday chart.

s n a p p y   b a n t e r
If you fail your roll the Gamemaster would typically describe the consequences. You can avert this as long as you shout appropriately snappy banter. Use your banter in part to describe the outcome. Remember that your Hero still fails, but hopefully your whims are kinder than the Gamemaster's.


"Holy goalie!! That robot dinosaur blocked my slapshot with its mechanical tail!! That gives me an idea ..."

"Wrestle that!! My wrestling powers are no match against this monkey mob!! If only I could tackle these simians one by one. That gives me an idea ..."

e v i l   p a r l a n c e
If your roll is a success you would normally provide the details of your Hero's brave feat. Unfortunately, the Gamemaster can counter by cackling evil parlance. If the Gamemaster can incorporate evil intent with crappy dialogue, he gets to describe your Hero's success.


"Crapulent crapbaskets, Cribbage-boy! You toasted my Terrier clones with your crafty cribbage hand!!"

"I'm lucky you missed my vital organs, Kid Karate!! While my entire upper torso may be shattered, your incessant dramatic posing gives me a chance to escape!!"

football t h e   c h a r t s
m i s h a p s   c h a r t
1 - Something explodes.

2 - Burning trappings of your Hero's sport plummet from the sky.

3 - Something else explodes.

4 - A team of your Hero's sport appears. They are bitter rivals of your Hero. Also, an alien or other-dimensional entity appears and teleports you and your closest buddies and the rival team into a pocket universe where you are forced to play your sport. The winner decides the fate of your Hero's planet. Oh, and your team is required to play it fair, but your rivals can cheat all they want.

5 - Something behind or above your Hero explodes.

6 - See 4 above, only this time your rivals are robot, monkey, clone or Bizarro versions of your team.

i t ' s   m y   b i r t h d a y   c h a r t
1 - Something explodes.

2 - Perfectly useable trappings of your Hero's sport float down from the sky.

3 - Something else explodes.

4 - Your Hero's idol or coach appears to provide assistance, be it physical, mental or verbal.

5 - Something about a mile away explodes. It probably belonged to the Villain.

6 - You free a kidnapped bystander/child/sibling/aunt/boyfriend/monkey using naught but what skills your sport encompasses.

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  e n d g a m e
Thanks goes out to Matthew Moore for suggesting a sports super hero rpg, Jon Morris for his brilliant Gone & Forgotten.

Except for DC's Bizarro world, this entire document is Copyright 2001, by Zak Arntson. Permission to duplicate for personal use and captions for review purposes is granted.

You must receive explicit permission from the author (email: to use this game and any portion therein for public use, such as publication or convention play.